Posts Tagged ‘christian single men’
When it comes to marriage, you’ve probably heard several sermons and retreat breakout sessions advising you to “wait on God.” That phrase is in Scripture, but when it comes to dating, there is a big temptation to pluck it out of context and imbue it with Hollywood-ized views of dating. The result is that many well-meaning Christian single men just sit back and wait for the perfect someone to fall into their laps.
Few Christian single men (and women!) question that passive stance, but they should. No one in their right mind, after all, would advise that sort of passivity for *anything else* worth having. Whether it is finding a job, a place to live, a church, food, or a group of friends, the advice is almost always to get out be proactive. Why should it be any different with dating? Sure, someone can go overboard and try too hard, but there is such a thing as being active while waiting on God.
How can Christian single men (women are another post for another time, though there is some overlap) pursue relationships in a way that’s God-honoring? This is a huge topic, but a few things to keep in mind are:
1) Pray for your future spouse…duh!
2) Be intentional! Dating is not a casual venture; it is for marriage, period, not for *merely* having fun (though having fun is good!). While often you can’t tell whether or not a woman is marriage material without spending considerable time with her, if the relationship is not heading in that direction, don’t waste her time. End it.
3) You do want to be careful, however, not to come on too strong. During college, I once announced my intentions to a lady by telling her I wanted to pursue her in a relationship leading to marriage. This was before the first date! She gave me a very kind “no.” I made the same approach to her, I believe, three more times before calling it quits. Not surprisingly, her response didn’t change. Even though you need to have definite intentions toward finding a spouse, best approach a woman confidently, but gently.
4) Don’t let the fear of things “not working out” paralyze you. As Denise Morris (link: http://www.boundlessline.org/2008/03/lets-talk-abo-4.html) has said, “For guys who are interested in pursuing a girl, Nike would tell you to ‘just do it.’ I agree. Take the steps to get to know a girl, ask her out and see where it goes. Be intentional about moving forward in the relationship. Be careful with your words and actions, but don’t be paralyzed by the fear of something that might not work out in the end.”
5) Many Christian single men complain that there are few “good women” out there. Finding a spouse can be a challenge, but complaining won’t change anything. Instead, branch out! Do some social networking. Make it a goal to at least meet 2-3 new people, both young and old (you never know: an older Christian can introduce you to your future spouse!) every week at church. If you are invited out with a group you don’t know, go! Do some ministry with like-minded Christians. The more people you socialize with, the more likely your “relationship status” will change soon.
And remember, if the girls just don’t seem interested, keep going! I’ve been there, and I know it can be discouraging. Don’t give up! Ask a few female friends for advice, improve, and stay in the “game.”