Posts Tagged ‘christian single women’
Just the other day, my wife was talking about a fellow girlfriend in a dilemma. ”She thinks Joe is a great guy, but she just views him as a friend. She isn’t attracted to him romantically, but he really likes her!”
Now, in my thirty brief years on this planet, I’ve heard that complaint an incredible amount. I hear it all the time from Christian single women, many of whom also complain that there are “no good men” around or that no men ask them out. Guy likes girl. Girl just think guy is nice. What should girl do?
How about giving the guy a chance? Go out with him a few times. You never know: he just might “grow” on you! Seriously, what does a Christian single woman have to lose? If, after a few outings, you find things haven’t changed, you can (tactfully!) move on. As long as you are clear with your communication (and there’s no need to have a deep “DTR” to accomplish that), any accusation that you led him on won’t stick.
This gives your feelings a chance to develop. A common phenomenon with many women–including Christian single women–is this: the woman lets her immediate “gut” feeling dictate how she thinks of the man. What many do not pause to ask is: “is that emotion a reliable gauge?” They should ask that, though. Some men have excellent qualities that make them great “catches,” but these qualities might not be apparent the first time your emotions size them up.
Also, Christian single women, keep in mind that feelings for a person can develop. Once you get to know a guy and spend some quality time with him, you could very well find that you are suddenly attracted to him. This isn’t restricted to women: it’s happened to me quite a few times. Before I was married, I dated a few women that I did not find attractive at all the first time I met them. After getting to know them over a few months, however, I became quite attracted to them.
In the case of my wife’s friend, the man interested in her will make an astoundingly captivating husband. What’s more, my wife’s friend–an attractive, enterprising, Jesus-loving Christian single woman with a great sense of humor–will make an awesome wife. They’re a good match, but as of now, it probably won’t happen because she’s not going to give him a chance. I don’t know what’s going on inside her head–she rarely gets asked out, yet here’s this stud taking interest in her, and her reaction is, “meh.”
Are there exceptions to this? Of course! You want to have a few things that are non-negotiables. Is he a disciple of Christ (not just a pew dweller) who takes his apprenticeship to Jesus seriously? Is he at least moving towards a career or vocation? Does he have a servant’s heart? Is he responsible with his time and finances? Does he boldly stand up for truth and the disadvantaged? Can he carry on a conversation? It’s true that you can’t get an answer to most of these without spending time with him. My point is that it’s not like you should say “yes” to every self-proclaimed Christian you meet in a chat room. Many well meaning Christian single women get hooked into bad relationships because they “threw caution to the wind” in crucial areas.
Be discerning, but be open to finding “diamonds in the rough.”
Rich Bordner lives in Southern California with his better half Ezichi. His primary occupation is that of husband. In his spare time, he is a high school English teacher and head wrestling coach. Did this post make you think? Then go over to The Pugnacious Irishman where you can read his daily posts on spirituality, culture, and ethics.